These are words that have me in a nutshell lately. Quite a contrast of feeling, but completely true. Confusion at how to deal with the cancer that my mother has been diagnosed with and grateful to have been given a job that keeps me busy enough during the day that I don't think about that confusion. Life is strange that way.
She is undergoing chemotherapy treatments and so far so good. We are only two treatments in. I have asked for information regarding life expectancy and all of those things that people want to know who do not deal with uncertainty well. I have come to realize that there is no certainty in life. There are no hard, definitive answers. The only thing I can do is be positive and encouraging. So that is what I do.
I had someone say some very hurtful things to me about cancer. That it is a blessing. That is total crap. They have obviously never dealt with it before. That at least they were not hit by a bus-you get to say goodbye. Again, more crap. That is all I will say about that.
I am grateful for the job I have. I learned of it a mere two weeks after my mother's diagnosis. It is a blessing to be busy and when thoughts creep into my head, I make sure they are positive ones. Negatives will only bog me down. I am positive I love my mother and that the doctors are doing everything they can to help her beat her cancer. I can only do the same.
I am grateful I have wonderful family and friends that I can talk to about my confused and grateful emotions. I am grateful to all of them. There is no confusion there. There will be days when I know how to deal with things outwardly, but inwardly is another thing. Sometimes, I really suck at it. But I am far from perfect. I am doing the best I can and I take things one day at a time. With a confused and grateful heart.
She is undergoing chemotherapy treatments and so far so good. We are only two treatments in. I have asked for information regarding life expectancy and all of those things that people want to know who do not deal with uncertainty well. I have come to realize that there is no certainty in life. There are no hard, definitive answers. The only thing I can do is be positive and encouraging. So that is what I do.
I had someone say some very hurtful things to me about cancer. That it is a blessing. That is total crap. They have obviously never dealt with it before. That at least they were not hit by a bus-you get to say goodbye. Again, more crap. That is all I will say about that.
I am grateful for the job I have. I learned of it a mere two weeks after my mother's diagnosis. It is a blessing to be busy and when thoughts creep into my head, I make sure they are positive ones. Negatives will only bog me down. I am positive I love my mother and that the doctors are doing everything they can to help her beat her cancer. I can only do the same.
I am grateful I have wonderful family and friends that I can talk to about my confused and grateful emotions. I am grateful to all of them. There is no confusion there. There will be days when I know how to deal with things outwardly, but inwardly is another thing. Sometimes, I really suck at it. But I am far from perfect. I am doing the best I can and I take things one day at a time. With a confused and grateful heart.
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